Online dating and rejection
Step One is to check your last message or two: Were you getting pushy? If so, take the taciturnity as an indicator of what not to do with the next person.If the sudden disappearance is truly bewildering, shrug your shoulders, tell yourself a story ("Maybe she met someone great! This person just did the online equivalent of smiling politely, excusing herself to go to the bathroom and leaving you alone at the bar.
(And let's face it, an out-of-left-field "You're just not quite what I'm looking for" missive would be sorta weird.) You should not, under any circumstances, continue to message someone who's stopped responding to you.I have also been single for close to a decade (mostly due to my own fear of getting into another relationship).My last relationship (in my early 20s) left me insecure and afraid of getting close to another man. I decided to spend my time earning my graduate degree, finding a job, and getting all my ducks in a row.How do I maintain a positive outlook in the face of rejection? I am prepared to be old and alone, but it would be awfully nice to have someone to share my life with.– Desert Island a numbers game, but you won't win anything if you're exhausted and feeling bad about yourself. It's OK to spend a few weeks letting men email you. It helps to have quality, out-of-the-house social time to balance all of the hours spent staring at your computer, wondering why some guy winked and then disappeared. I wish I could tell you why these guys wink, like, and then ignore your emails. Or he messages you and explain that he and his long-term girlfriend are swingers, and they both turn to the Internet to find outside dalliances. Now, we're not saying you need to approve of such risqué behavior, but we repeat: Online dating is not for the faint of heart.
Indeed, we should all applaud online daters for being that honest in their profiles.
We are totally meant to be.") Hours later, you log in again and notice that your Match has viewed your profile and chosen not to respond. Rejection hurts; studies show it can actually stoke the pain nodes in your brain.
It's one thing to be rejected in a bar, where you can just tell yourself homeboy must have a boring girlfriend waiting for him at home; it's quite another to reach out to a single-and-looking chap and let him witness your entire stash of documented wit and charm before deciding you're not worth responding to.
I essentially built walls to protect myself from another heartbreak.
Last fall I decided that it's OK for me to move on and try to find someone to love again. I have tried a couple of different sites and even casually dated someone for a couple of months before he told me he basically wasn't that into me.
I have tried all kinds of different email introductions — referencing written profiles, referencing photos, being funny, being unfunny, being interesting, being boring, etc., but I have yet to have even one man write back.