Dating emotionally unstable men
When something happens that you believe should have a significant emotional reaction (his dog died, his brother ran over his foot with the car, his roommate drank his beer), prod him gently for a reaction.He can (and likely will) defer the question, but at least you’re making an effort to engage in dialogue about his feelings.
He constantly talks about his own concerns and rarely asks how you’re doing. And they don’t have to care about your shit if they control the dialogue.But how he treats others is a pretty good indicator of what you need to know about this guy.When he sees a homeless woman asking for change at the stoplight, does he say, Is he rude to waiters at restaurants, always demanding things from them? Okay, maybe that’s taking things too far, but my point is: is he compassionate and empathetic to others?Does he clam up or get bitter talking about his exes?Or can he tell you objectively what went wrong, including his role in the situation?If you look back at the last few relationships you’ve been in, you can see a pattern: you seem to always be attracted to emotionally unavailable men.
Despite your best efforts to get them to open up, you always end up hurt and frustrated that they never reciprocate the affection or love you feel for them.
He may have been taught to or encouraged to toughen up by his father.
He may have experienced trauma that he bottled up over a lifetime, which can make being vulnerable again a challenge.
And while I’ll address this in detail at the end, I want you to understand that if a man is emotionally unavailable, it in no way indicates that you are being needy or clingy. This guy acts exactly the same whether he’s happy, furious, sad, or tired.
I know women are hard on themselves often, taking the blame when they shouldn’t. You have trouble reading him; you never know what he’s thinking, but you don’t want to be one of those women who is always asking You joke to him that he’s like an android, but you’re really not far off.
He might be angry about a recent relationship (that’s understandable), but if he talks the same about one that was years ago, you have to wonder why he’s holding on to that resentment.